By Daniel Ensing
In 2016, I was about six years sober. I was a leader in Celebrate Recovery, heavily involved in my church, and I thought I knew who I was.
Then my world shattered.
My wife took our kids and left. Eventually, we got divorced. Our “restored marriage” story… the one I had built a lot of my identity around—turned out to be a façade.
Even though I stayed sober, I fell into a deep fog. Most nights, I sat in a parking lot late at night, watching Netflix on my phone and eating not one but two meals from McDonald’s. Night after night. Week after week. Month after month.
It didn’t happen overnight, but by the time I realized how far I had let myself go, I weighed over 420 pounds. I kept going to church. I kept showing up at Celebrate Recovery. I stayed sober. But honestly? I didn’t feel like doing anything. I felt broken, lost, and unsure of who I was anymore.
The Problem with Building on the Wrong Foundation
Looking back, I see the problem: my identity wasn’t fully in Christ. It was tied to my marriage. To my role as a husband. To the image of “the guy who made it” after addiction.
And when that was gone, it felt like I was gone too.
Here’s the truth: when we build our identity on anything other than Jesus, it’s like building a house on sand.
- Jobs can end.
- Relationships can change.
- Health can fail.
- Money can vanish.
If those things are the foundation of who you are, then when they crumble, you will too.
The Truth About Who You Are
“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
If you’ve given your life to Jesus, your identity isn’t based on what you’ve done, what’s been done to you, or what you own. It’s based on what He says about you.
- You are forgiven (1 John 1:9).
- You are chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
- You are loved (Romans 8:38-39).
- You are God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).
You are not your past mistakes. You are not your failures. You are not the labels others have put on you. You are who God says you are.
Why This Matters for Men Starting Over
If you’re a man in your 40s or 50s, you’ve lived enough life to have a few scars. Some of those scars might be from your own choices. Others from things you couldn’t control.
When your identity is in Christ, your failures become lessons, not life sentences. Your scars become stories of survival and redemption. And your future is no longer limited by your past.
Three Steps to Living in Your New Identity
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Get into God’s Word every day.
You can’t know who you are in Christ if you don’t know what He says about you. Start with the Gospel of John or the Book of Ephesians. Even five minutes a day will begin to shift how you see yourself. -
Replace lies with truth.
When the voice in your head says, “You’re not enough,” answer it with Scripture. Replace “I’m a failure” with “I am more than a conqueror through Him who loves me” (Romans 8:37). -
Surround yourself with men who see the real you.
Find brothers who will remind you who you are in Christ when you forget. Men who call you higher, not back into old patterns.
A Lesson from My Journey
It took almost a year of living in that cycle before I started to come out of it. I didn’t feel like showing up to church or Celebrate Recovery some nights, but I kept going. I stayed faithful, even when my feelings didn’t follow.
Slowly, as I spent time in God’s Word and listened to what He said about me, I started to believe it. I wasn’t just a man in recovery. I wasn’t just “the divorced guy.” I was a new creation. A man with a future.
It didn’t happen overnight. But the more I chose to see myself the way He sees me, the more my life began to change.
Running the Race
These days, I’m also a runner. Training for a long race reminds me a lot of walking with God. You don’t finish the race in one step—you finish it by showing up, one day at a time, and putting in the work.
It’s the same with your identity in Christ. You grow into it by showing up every day. Spend time with Him. Trust Him when it’s hard. Let Him rebuild the broken places.
Your Next Step
If you don’t know who you are anymore, start here:
- Open your Bible to 2 Corinthians 5:17.
- Read it out loud.
- Ask God to help you believe it’s true for you.
Your past may explain you, but it does not define you. Your mistakes may have shaped you, but they don’t get the final say. You are a new creation. And that’s the truest thing about you.
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”
Zechariah 4:10a (NLT)
