When I first got sober, I thought that meant I was automatically stepping into manhood. I was paying bills, showing up to work, and doing “the right things.” But deep down, I still had a lot to learn about what it meant to be a man, especially a man who follows Jesus.
I didn’t realize that biblical manhood isn’t just about being strong, being a provider, or keeping people happy. It’s about living with integrity, humility, and courage, even when it’s hard. And that’s not something you can fake.
The World’s Definition vs. God’s Definition
The world says you’re a man if you make a lot of money, drive the right truck, lift heavy, and never show weakness. But God’s Word paints a different picture.
- Protect and care for your family (Ephesians 5:25).
- Lead with humility, not pride (Philippians 2:3–4).
- Stand up for what’s right, even if you stand alone (Joshua 1:9).
- Stay teachable and willing to grow (Proverbs 27:17).
The Biblical Definition of Manhood
In late 2011, about two years after I got sober, I picked up The Resolution for Men by Alex and Stephen Kendrick. I wanted to be a better man, husband, and father. To be honest, if I had picked it up earlier, I probably would’ve tossed it aside. But by then I had gone through a couple of Celebrate Recovery step studies and worked through some things. I was finally ready to hear what it had to say.
“A man is an adult male who accepts his masculinity, speaks and acts with maturity, embraces responsibility, functions independently, can lead a family faithfully, and recognizes his accountability as an image bearer of God.”
— Alex & Stephen Kendrick, The Resolution for Men, p. 67
The book backs each part with Scripture:
- Adult male – Leviticus 27:3
- Accepts his masculinity – 1 Corinthians 16:13
- Speaks and acts with maturity – 1 Corinthians 13:11
- Embraces responsibility – Genesis 1:26; 2:15
- Functions independently – Genesis 2:24; Matthew 12:46–50
- Leads a family faithfully – Genesis 2:24; 1 Timothy 3:4–5
- Recognizes accountability – Ecclesiastes 12:13–14
- Image bearer of God – Genesis 1:26; 1 Corinthians 11:7–9
Iron Sharpens Iron
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”
Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
Sharpening requires friction. Sparks sometimes fly. Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s necessary. I’ve had men in my life who called me out when I was slipping. I didn’t always like it, but those conversations made me a better man.
The Danger of Going Alone
In my early years of sobriety, I tried to handle everything by myself. I didn’t want to look weak. I thought asking for help made me less of a man. I was wrong. Isolation is one of the quickest ways to drift back into old habits; drinking, overeating, hiding your struggles, or shutting people out.
Biblical manhood means surrounding yourself with godly men who will fight for you in prayer, hold you accountable, and remind you who you are in Christ!
Three Marks of a Biblical Man
- He puts God first. Start your day with God’s Word and prayer, not to be “religious,” but because you need His wisdom to lead and make wise decisions.
- He leads with love, not control. Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love as Christ loved the church; sacrificial, servant leadership.
- He stays teachable. Pride keeps you stuck. A biblical man admits when he’s wrong and grows from correction.
A Lesson from My Own Journey
There was a season when I thought I was leading well, but I was leading from pride and fear. I was very controlling and domineering. A mentor asked me, “Are you leading from love or from fear?” That question changed me. I began letting other men speak into my life, and I asked for help instead of pretending I had it all together. Little by little, God shaped me into the kind of man who could lead with love.
Your Next Step Toward Biblical Manhood
If you want to grow as a godly man, don’t do it alone. Find one man you trust—a pastor, mentor, or brother in Christ, and tell him, “I want to grow. I want to be sharpened.” Real strength isn’t pretending you have it all together. Real strength is found in surrender to Christ and living out His calling every day.
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”
— Zechariah 4:10a (NLT)